i always seem to find myself counting the days till your birthday.

as of today, there are eighty-nine more days to go until you get another year older. eighty-nine days... two thousand one hundred and thirty six hours.

i don't know why i even waste my time doing so. it should be you excited about your birthday, or any special day of yours. you should be the one nervous when you take your exams, or sad when you get into trouble. not me.

for some strange, elusive reason, i feel all the empathy possible when it comes to you. hell, it's even kind of like that notebook line, "if you're a bird, i'm a bird"; which is cliche, i know. but no matter how hard i try to forget the date of your performance, your favorite day of the week or what new song you're trying perfect on the guitar, i can't.

i've tried running away from all this. in fact, i've been running for three years now. but at the end of the day, it all comes down to you. it's always the way you're just so relaxed no matter what situation, or the way you care in your own special way that i think of before i go to sleep. it's always the way that you seem to just get me, even if we haven't really seen each other in a while.

i feel every inch ironic that the one person i didn't wanna end up with is the one whose voice makes me feel better. it's just so messed up. your blunt honesty's irritating and the fact that you've just recently gotten taller than me is disturbing. i hate the way you can sometimes be an ass. i hate the way you're just so angry. but most of all, i hate how you can make me concerned, even though you can be the biggest jerk in the world.

then just recently i realized why. it's because i care more about you than i thought i knew. it's because when i don't talk to you, my day seems incomplete. it's because i don't need you, but i want you to be there. yup, it's that four letter word.

so here's to you, the guy who'll probably never read this, because you messed me up bad. i've found who i've been looking for in the most perfect imperfect way... because i didn't have to look so far. all i had to do was open my eyes.